Erin

Fractured.
Time has split again, before and… after.
The world keeps spinning as though nothing has changed, but hearts are broken and shock is played out.
News of you traveled, old fashioned by phone, to connect me to pain and my own fragility.
Time plays a trick calling me back, time travel is real and we’re face to face in 2010.

Your thoughtfulness of others was never unknown, you missed zero opportunities to demonstrate your love.
Feeding others, especially me, was a challenge you gratefully accepted, avoiding allergies to share meals that were healthy but tasted like love.
In the quiet space of our treatment “classrooms” you asked me hard questions about my life situations, what were my fears? You were so honest and direct, yet slow to share that some of those questions were asked by a mirror.
We had similar struggles and similar pain, looking inward to find solace and a way to escape. To find our hearts and set them free to breathe without burden.

Your perspective unchanged no matter the situation, you always looked to the light to find the silver lining, I don’t think you realized you were the ray of light shining in positivity, even if inside you were standing in a rainstorm.

Even though geography created space with us, you never dropped the ball. Commenting and messaging I always knew just where you were, still open with your heart and chasing understanding.
My heart breaks to know the memories will be what I carry, no longer will I have the chance to see you again nor steal a carrot from your lunch to try a new dip.
You always liked the things I wrote that poured out from my heart. These are the words I have for you…but it doesn’t seem enough.

You and I shared a mirror and looking at it now, I could be you and you could be me and is not right that you’re already gone. I can’t understand, still shock bound.

You leave a legacy of love, of honest integrity. Your children will always know how much you adored and loved them, as will the children you taught and supported, the families you cared for and the change your love made in their lives.

In your unexpected parting from this world you took a piece of my heart with you, leaving a hole that will eventually scar into the shape of your smile. I will carry your memory there and fill it with thoughts of you until it’s my turn to follow after you.

But for now I will sit here sobbing tears and allow my heart to break for you my friend, for Erin.