Author Archives: eaglebear204

Thanksgiving is hard as a day. It’s loaded with expectations that often counter reality. Traditions dress up in their regal attire demanding a throned seat at the head of the table, often bulldozing the present feelings in the room. Pressure to do as before, to maintain the past or recreate magic from another time sitsContinue reading “Thanksgiving”

Gratitude “The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness”. For years I used to write everyday throughout November, listing things in life I was grateful for.  It started one year when I was living in a dark hole struggling to see light and recognize good things around me andContinue reading “Gratitude”

I had one once…for years and years.She helped me unburden myself, heard my ramblings and tried to pin me in a feeling I’d stumble over in avoidance or a minimizing brush off. She helped me face myself without judgement, unloading my suite of baggage down to a functional sized day pack one feeling at aContinue reading “Therapist”

Sometimes I can’t sleep.It comes out of nowhere.Wide awake, midnight loses its meaning.Still awake. I don’t have voices talking too loud,Or things left over from the day.No family drama, worries about kidsJust unlistened to feelings rearing their heads. Snow is coming and bringing with it short days of dread, I still have weeds that haveContinue reading “Sleepless”

It’s hard to learn new skills as an adult. My learning curve feels steeper and full of holes while my expectations skyrocket outside the range of normal limits. As a kid I rode a bike,  mostly in my front yard, down the long driveway,  through the horse arena and around the block at grandma’s.  WithContinue reading “Practice”

Today I went to my first in person yoga class since before the time of covid. With the gym finally opening back up to workouts without self-induced-mandated-suffocation-mask-wearing while engaging in an exercise that is all about the breath, I felt I’d waited long enough and signed up. Over this last year my body has communicatedContinue reading “Breathe…again”

I thought I made peace with you, I thought we were friends. I heard your voice today running through my head,  but it wasn’t the voice I’d associate as a friend. Negative,  judgemental,  snide and rude,Playing with my fears you took them off mute. The deep feelings I feel way down in the dark came gushingContinue reading “Insecurity”

Fractured.Time has split again, before and… after.The world keeps spinning as though nothing has changed, but hearts are broken and shock is played out.News of you traveled, old fashioned by phone, to connect me to pain and my own fragility.Time plays a trick calling me back, time travel is real and we’re face to faceContinue reading “Erin”

Why does a heart beat again?Why does it go looking for safety in the hands of another?Am I not a good keeper? Why does it give itself away so quickly, escaping the walls of protection?Is it oblivious to the pain it’s suffered, forgotten so quickly the moment a flutter returns? A heart must beat ifContinue reading “Traitor”

I haven’t felt like writing much lately. Lack of inspiration, missing a muse, or just brain exhaustion from living through pending stress. Whatever the reason, I miss writing. I find it cathartic. It removes cobwebs from my head and helps me center. Maybe writing itself is what I’ve been missing as a practice. It’s harderContinue reading “Revisited”